


Healing the Hurt

by BSBLover2538



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 17:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16309328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BSBLover2538/pseuds/BSBLover2538
Summary: After Kevin Richardson's six-year departure from the band ended, he wondered what was going through his bandmates and brothers' heads during those six years. The reveal of their feelings and thoughts would turn Kevin's life around and force him to confront some hard truths about himself.





	Healing the Hurt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fricksgirl_32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fricksgirl_32/gifts).



> This is inspired by Fricksgirl_32's recent story. She wrote about Brian's reaction to Kevin's departure, and it got me thinking about how all four of them would have reacted. This work is pure fiction and I do not own the rights to the Boys. All rights go to them and their management.

The Backstreet Boys had been around for 20 years now, and their oldest member had recently come back to the group. Kevin Richardson had left 6 years earlier to start a family, and the other four members of the group, Nick Carter, Brian Littrell, Howie Dorough, and AJ McLean, had always told him the door was open for his return. The four members had announced Kevin’s return while they were in London, and told the crowd they would be making a new album together. It had been six months since that announcement was made, and that day would be the first time the five were reunited since Kevin had appeared at the Staples Center show while the Boys were on their NKOTBSB tour. The five were meeting at Nick’s house in Florida, since he was the only one still unmarried out of the group, so he had the room to accommodate all five of them. The other four would be staying at Nick’s for a week, so that they could reconnect with each other. This week would bring up the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows that the five men would face. One band member in particular, would learn what the other four went through while he was gone. The week would hurt and heal every single member of the group. 

Nick woke up early to get the guest rooms set up, and clean the house a bit. The other four would arrive by noon, and he was looking forward to seeing his brothers again. The time passed quickly, and he heard the front door open a few minutes before twelve, and Brian’s voice floated through the home. Brian had come with Howie, and both knew that they could just walk into Nick’s home unannounced. They walked in, and Nick came from the kitchen and gave them both hugs. Five minutes later, AJ waltzed in, and made his way to the living room, where the other three were catching up. Finally, fifteen minutes later, Kevin came in apologizing for his lateness, he once again lost track of time. The other four fondly looked at each other with knowing smiles, and rose to hug their older brother. Now that everyone was here, the four went up to the guest rooms to pick out the rooms they would stay in. Nick went to the kitchen to finish lunch, and heard Brian and AJ arguing over a bedroom. He shook his head; some things would never change. Fifteen minutes later, the five settled down for the first group meal in over a year. Kevin shared new pictures of Mason, and they each discussed what they had been up to recently. Nick announced that he was considering proposing to his long-term girlfriend Lauren, and the other four congratulated him. They all were extremely happy that Nick was settling down, and had grown up into the incredible man he was today. 

Once lunch was finished, they filtered back to the living room, and Kevin brought up the two albums that they had done without him. He told his brothers that he was incredibly proud of their success with the albums, and that he was excited to be back with them again. He looked at the other four, and noticed that an uncomfortable look had passed between them before it was gone. Kevin asked what was wrong, and the four acted like nothing had happened. Suspicious, Kevin again asked what was wrong. Brian commented that they were happy that he was back, and couldn’t wait to start the album soon. Kevin looked at the other three, and saw that they agreed with Brian, and brushed the moment off for now. Howie had grabbed some movies out of his room, and they settled down to have a lazy afternoon, watching movies and talking. As the evening neared, Howie and Kevin got up to make dinner. The two of them worked in a familiar tandem and soon the five were enjoying Kevin’s specialty of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and veggies. After clearing the kitchen, the five settled in Nick’s backyard to enjoy the cool October air. 

Out of pure curiosity, Kevin asked AJ what his true feelings about Kevin’s departure were. AJ got a deer in headlights look, and looked to the other three for help. The three shook their heads at him, and AJ took a deep breath and looked at Kevin. AJ revealed that Kevin’s departure had torn him apart. It was the closest he had come to going back to the drugs and alcohol.  He felt like Kevin’s departure was akin to him losing a part of himself. He struggled without having the peaceful solidarity that Kevin’s presence had brought to the group. AJ watched as Kevin’s face crumpled at his revelation. AJ felt like Kevin was the one who kept him in check, and always had an eye for him. Sure, AJ had found the love of his life, and married her, but he wished that his big brother was around more during that time so that he could have gotten advice from his oldest brother. Kevin interrupted and said that AJ could have come to him at any time and he would have helped, but AJ felt like Kevin wanted a clean separation from the band, and didn’t want to bother him with what AJ thought were stupid things. He felt like Kevin had other things going on his life, with raising Mason and doing Broadway. Kevin started tearing up, and asked AJ if he could hug him. AJ opened his arms, and Kevin started apologizing for what he had done. AJ told Kevin that it was okay now, and that they would work on healing this week, and that he was glad to have his oldest brother back.

Kevin realized that this week would bring some hard truths to him. He resolved to ask a different brother every night, what his departure had done to them. He felt he needed to know, so that things could be aired out and that they would be a stronger band of brothers in the end. He knew that his departure had hurt them, but he didn’t realize how much. He looked at each of his brothers, and saw that they agreed with AJ’s words. He thought for a while, swallowed his pride, and told his brothers that they would spend this week discussing his departure and their feelings surrounding it, and at the end he would tell them his reasons for leaving in the first place. The four agreed with his words, and they each went to bed that night with a heavy feeling in their hearts. They knew this week would be one of the toughest they had ever dealt with. 

The next day dawned late, with everyone sleeping in due to the late night they had had the night before. This would become commonplace over the week. Brian rose first, and made breakfast for him and the guys. One by one, they staggered down the stairs to the kitchen, and ate. They decided to go mini golfing, and go kart racing today, before coming back home to make dinner, and have another discussion. Nick, Brian, AJ, and Howie had decided that Howie would take his turn tonight, and Brian would go tomorrow, with Nick finishing up the following day. Then Kevin would take his turn, and hopefully they would be okay in the end. The five went off to get ready, and all piled into Nick’s truck to go have some fun. Several hours later, they returned home sweaty and laughing. AJ and Howie had won at mini golf, while Kevin and Brian had wiped the floor with everyone at go-karts. Nick just pouted at his brothers, and told them he would get revenge. They went off to shower, and get comfortable clothes on. Nick and AJ made dinner, a simple meal of spaghetti with meat sauce and garlic bread. After stuffing themselves, they once again went back outside to Nick’s deck. 

Kevin took a deep breath and looked at Howie. Howie gazed back at him and dropped his gaze to begin speaking. Howie started by hesitantly revealing to Kevin that his departure had put even more responsibility on his shoulders, and he struggled with being the oldest on a day to day basis. Sure, he had gotten some more solos then he had when Kevin was in the group, but it wasn’t worth the stress of looking after his brothers. He felt like he still had to watch out for Brian, AJ, and Nick, much like Kevin had. Like AJ, Howie felt like Kevin had wanted a clean break, and didn’t want to burden him with the struggles he was having in coping with being the oldest. Howie admitted that he wasn’t even sure if Kevin would attend his wedding, because it had been so close to him leaving the group at the time. Kevin was devastated hearing Howie speak. He had thought that he had good reasons for leaving the group, and thought that his leaving the group would only strengthen the guys, but it seemed to have done some damage to each of them. Howie continued on, and confessed that he secretly dreaded having Kevin back in the group, because he didn’t want to go back to just providing backing vocals and contributing to the harmonies. He wanted to continue having a few solo opportunities. This startled not only Kevin, but also Nick, Brian, and AJ. They promised Howie that he would have solos on the new album, and Nick, Brian, and AJ also told Kevin the same thing, knowing that he hadn’t had many in their last two albums as a group of five. Frankly with Brian’s vocal issues, he was thankful that doing this would give him a break. Howie looked up at Kevin, and hated that he had put the heartbroken look on his face. He got up and hesitantly asked Kevin for a hug. Kevin opened his arms and Howie walked straight into them, and held his older brother, as Kevin apologized for what he had done to Howie. Howie soothed him and told him that he forgave him, and was feeling relieved that he had gotten this off of his chest. As Howie went back to his seat, Kevin told the guys that he had to go to his room, because he was feeling emotionally exhausted, and had some serious thinking to do. The others bid him good night, and Kevin went up to try and get some rest, but it didn’t come easy. The four remaining members talked, and two hours later, the house was silent, as the group settled into uneasy sleep. 

AJ woke his brothers up early the next day with his attempts at making breakfast, and as Kevin came downstairs, he saw AJ with a desperate look on his face, and rushed to help the poor man out. They eventually salvaged breakfast, and the five men ate heartily. Today, they decided to have a beach day, despite it being October, it was unseasonably warm, and the five gathered their swimsuits and made their way to the beach. After a day of swimming, playing beach volleyball, and sunbathing, they made their way back to Nick’s to shower and eat dinner. Tonight, it would be Howie and Brian cooking, and the two made tacos, rice, beans, and had ice cream for dessert. Instead of going out back to have their nightly discussion, they went into Nick’s den, and made themselves comfortable on the couches and floor. After talking about the sports scores for the day, the mood turned serious as Kevin turned to his cousin, and asked what was going through his head while Kevin had his little absence from the group. 

Brian glanced at his cousin, and looked away. He was ashamed that he felt the way he did, especially since he had seen Kevin a little more often than the other three did, since they attended the same family functions. It was when they were starting their tour for the Unbreakable album, Brian worried about the reaction the band would get without having Kevin there. He wondered if they would be able to keep up the grind as a quartet instead of a quintet. Luckily, their most diehard fans had stuck with them through the two albums, and they had mostly sold out their concerts. Although, after the announcement that Kevin was back, the newstorm that had eluded them during those six years, came back stronger than ever. The four of them resented the fact that this new album was looked at as a reunion, as if they had not done two albums without Kevin. Brian often felt the loss of Kevin’s voice as they were preforming their old songs, especially when he had to listen to Howie or AJ struggle to cover Kevin’s parts. Those were the times that the four of them felt the loss of Kevin keenly. Brian told Kevin that he missed sharing memories as a group, and hated that Kevin didn’t have the memories that he did, of all the things that they had done in the six years. Kevin was stunned at Brian’s admissions, and admitted that he had never thought of how their fans would react to his leaving. He knew that he had written that letter, and hoped it would help, but never thought of the burden he was leaving for his brothers to try and carry. He was still clinging to his reasons for leaving, but they seemed thinner than ever, as his brothers explained what had been going through their heads during his time off. He and Brian hugged, and Kevin told his brothers that he didn’t blame them for the feelings they were revealing, that they were all extremely valid, and he was having a hard look at himself. The four told him that this was healing them as well, and told Kevin that they hoped that this would make them stronger. They broke off the serious conversation, and watched a movie together, before going to their own rooms for a slightly easier sleep than the night before. 

This particular morning, Howie woke up the earliest, and decided to wake his brothers up and told them that they were going to the local diner for breakfast, and he would pay. This suited his brothers just fine, and an hour later, they were arguing over what to order. Kevin just looked at the guys and smiled, he truly missed this. Ninety minutes later, they were in the parking lot debating what to do today. They eventually decided, since the weather was overcast and rain was forecasted later, they would go bowling and then go to the local museum to explore for a few hours. Nick got his revenge on his brothers and won two out of the three games they bowled, with AJ winning the second one. They grabbed some pizza for dinner, and went back to Nick’s to continue part four of their weeklong discussion. Tonight, it was Nick’s turn, and Kevin knew this one would most likely hurt the most, since he knew that Nick had visibly struggled the most with his departure, and wondered what was going through his mind during the last six years. They settled down in the den, and talked of inconsequential things before Nick turned to Kevin. Kevin braced himself for the impact of Nick’s words, but nothing could have prepared him for what Nick was going to say. 

Nick tried to beat around the bush, and weasel his way out of revealing his actual thoughts, but one look into Kevin’s green eyes, pleading for truth, made him cave. He stumbled over his words, but finally spoke about the utter feeling of abandonment after Kevin left. After having such a crappy childhood, he clung to the boys as his safe haven, and having Kevin as a pseudo-father/big brother helped Nick grow into the man he was today. He felt like Kevin had walked away from the group, when Nick needed him the most. He had started going down the wrong path, and following in AJ’s footsteps with the drugs and alcohol. It was pure luck that he had found out about his heart condition and changed everything. But it couldn’t help the feeling that Kevin had abandoned them all, and especially Nick. He told Kevin that doing the two albums without him made Nick feel hollow, that there was always a constant ache, and he was always looking for the missing part of the group. Nick revealed that Kevin’s six-year departure also had him considering going back to alcohol to cope with the pain, but he focused on making the best music he could, and thankfully he found Lauren along the way, who helped keep him on the straight and narrow. One look at Kevin, and all four saw the gutted look on his face. He had never thought that Nick had felt so strongly about him, that he depended on Kevin that much. He was destroyed by the fact that Nick thought he had abandoned him. Kevin now knew that his reasons for leaving, were utterly destroyed by his brothers’ words. He felt like utter crap and felt like he HAD abandoned his brothers for six years. He knew that tomorrow’s discussion would bring the tears and hopefully the healing that needed to happen. He reached for Nick, who jumped into his arms and snuggled in. He breathed in his big brother’s scent and apologized for what he had said. Kevin’s eyes flew open and sternly told him to never apologize for something that was the truth, and his own feelings. As Kevin looked at his younger brothers, he knew that they had released all of their feelings, and it would soon be his turn. The quintet spent the rest of the night just snuggling, and ended up falling asleep in the den together. 

The day that Kevin was dreading most started late, with none of them waking before noon. Nick woke up first, and went to shower. Howie woke next, and saw Nick in the kitchen eating some lunch. He offered to wake the other three, and Nick nodded his head, still dealing with the emotional turmoil of the previous night. Howie woke Brian, AJ, and Kevin, and they all decided to have a lazy day in, playing video games and eating junk food. The other four took turns showering while Nick set the den up for their day of gaming. Howie pulled his laptop out and skyped Leigh, with Brian doing the same with Leighanne after Howie was done. Kevin called his wife, and Kristin could tell that this week was wearing on her husband. AJ called Rochelle, and made sure that she was still okay with him being gone, with their daughter due in six weeks. Rochelle soothed her husband, and AJ knew that he could stay the rest of the week. Nick FaceTimed Lauren, and they had a nice conversation, with the other four butting in at random. After all the checking in was done, it was near dinnertime, and Brian and AJ made a comfort meal of lasagna and garlic bread. They had eaten a little earlier than usual, knowing this part of the conversation would probably take the longest. Since it had been a sunny day, and a little cooler than usual, they went back out to the deck for their conversation. 

Kevin looked at his brothers, swallowed his tears that were already coming, and started his story. He told the guys that he was feeling stifled by the management, was uninspired, was wanting to start a family with Kristin, and wanted to be a normal guy for once. He thought that the choices he had made and the way he went about leaving was the best way possible, but he now saw that he had made one worse decision after the next. Kevin also hesitantly revealed that he was feeling the same as Howie, in regards to the number of solos he had on their recent albums. He really only got one or two lines and not in every song. He knew he had needed the break, and didn’t really regret leaving completely, but now realized that he should have gone about it a different way. Kevin also realized that he should not have completely separated himself from his brothers, and make it seem like he didn’t want to be bothered with Backstreet Boys stuff. Kevin also did not put one thought into the fans, and regretted that completely. He hated that he had burdened his brothers so badly, and begged them to forgive him, and let him make it up to them. Brian, AJ, Nick, and Howie watched their oldest brother beg them and beat himself up for leaving them behind. Watching Kevin beg broke their hearts, and told their brother that they had forgiven him over the course of the week, and that there was nothing to make up. They would make this new album, and absolutely kill it. Kevin, of course, felt differently, and vowed to secretly make it up to each of his brothers. 

Feeling utterly defeated, Kevin told his brothers that he was going back to his room for a while. As he walked to the back door, he was suddenly poked in the back. He turned back around to see his brothers in a huddle, and as he walked towards them, they tackled him into a group hug and started trying to tickle him. Kevin felt his despair melt somewhat as he laughed with his brothers. He still felt like crap, but knew that his brothers wouldn’t hold any resentment towards him anymore. He vowed to spend more time with the boys, and vowed to be there for them whenever they needed him. Finally, Kevin Richardson was back with his brothers, and the Backstreet Boys were finally whole again, after one of the worst weeks of their brotherhood.

Epilogue

The Backstreet Boys made their ninth studio album, _In_ _a World Like This_ , completely on their own, featuring 90% of their own written songs. Howie and Kevin both received more solos, and the five of them had a wildly successful tour. Kevin and Kristin would go on to have a second son, along with Howie and his wife. Nick married Lauren, and they eventually had a son two years later. AJ and Rochelle had their daughter, and four and a half years later, had another girl. The group had scored their own Las Vegas show, and they were stronger than ever. Kevin had also found his own ways to make up for his behavior during his six-year absence, and the others appreciated it more than he knew. The Boys were in the middle of recording their tenth album, and were looking towards their twenty-fifth anniversary, hardly able to believe that they had lasted this long. The five men were stronger than ever, and their brotherhood, which had been fractured, was whole with no long-lasting damage. They couldn’t wait to see where their lives and career took them, but they knew they would do it as brothers.


End file.
